Being Apart

How to deal with being apart? Even if it’s only for a couple of days, for a few weeks or for half a year? I guess there’s no easy solution. Your relationship has always flourished by spending time together, obviously. If you spent much time apart there’s five things I’d be very particular about.

1) No jealousy
Let no feeling of jealousy on her side arise, at all. Let her feel she’s the only one and if she get’s jealous don’t get annoyed – try to work against it by ensuring her explicitly that she doesn’t have to worry. You can also increase her awareness of what you’re doing. Let her know what’s going on in your daily life.
Also you shouldn’t get jealous either or get lost in a feeling of being left behind. The key here is communication – Usually perception differs very much from facts, especially if it’s via Skype or emoticons. Let her know if you’re feeling left out or lonely and encourage her to do exactly the same, talk!
If, however, you get jealous yourself and let her feel it, she will get annoyed and stop telling you things. This might then eventually develop into a direction neither of you had wanted – apart.

2) Awareness
Send her pictures, make her feel she’s with you, let her participate in your life. You don’t have to give up your privacy for that but in my experience it’s a good idea to keep problems away.
Try to be involved in or at least aware of whatever she does, make her feel you’re with her and that you care about her, even though (or rather especially because) she’s away. This is firstly important to avoid the jealousy mentioned above and secondly to keep your interest in what she’s doing. Also, you don’t want her to come back and not know what happened in her life.

3) Frequency
Frequency of contact is predetermined to reduce, try to work against it. Keep her updated about what’s happening, more than normal, this is essential to compensate the lack of physical contact. If she’s gone for a week, you should really keep it to daily, for a month really at least every 2 days and if she’s gone for half a year or longer you’d want to speak with her every week at least twice for longer that 30 minutes.
Don’t forget to do the usual, talk about random stuff. Don’t just tell each other what happened or what you’re gonna do tomorrow – tell her what you think about something that happened and how you felt, something that upset or made you really happy. This is interesting for her and keeps things alive!

4) Sex
Have sex. This is a particularly important one. Neither do you want a sexual tension to build up in her nor in yourself – cheating is a no go. how to have sex over a distance? Through the same channels of communication you’re usually using.  You can send her flirty pictures of things she likes about you, you could snapchat her a video, you could call her and roleplay the latest fantasy the two of you had together, whatever floats your boat, there’s plenty of opportunities. Of course they’re all a bit shit given the lack of physical interaction, but if you don’t do them, she’ll easier get distracted and so do you. And we don’t want that. Don’t forget that sex with your girl is actually fun.

5) Friends and family
Keep in touch with her family and friends. Don’t let the fact that she’s gone for a bit interfere with how you deal with her surrounding that is not necessarily in your inner circle. If you get out of sight you might be out of mind soon. It might even be a perfect opportunity to get to know people closer to her if she’s gone.

There’s no easy solution and agreeing on things in advanced doesn’t mean you will stick to them. Speaking everyday is difficult if she’s gone for a while and holding contact can be tough sometimes. Get creative, send her flowers to her house in China or something. Make sure you don’t get out of sight.